As a server and bartender, there’s been many conversations I’ve overheard throughout my career. Some are pleasantry’s, while others are profound and thought-provoking. Recently, I had an encounter that fell into the latter category. Three women, a mother, and her two daughters, sat at my bar with a baby in a carrier. Their conversation centered on relationships, communication, and the struggles that can sometimes accompany them.
What struck me most was the insight one of the daughters shared about her own relationship. She explained that they could work through disagreements when they could agree on the issue at hand. However, when consensus proved elusive, it often led to strained nights and even days of tension. She candidly admitted that she didn’t have all the answers but was committed to improving her communication skills.
Her words resonated with me, not just because of their honesty, but because of a powerful lesson I had learned from my therapist – the idea that issues in relationships don’t have to be black or white; they can be “this AND that” rather than “this OR that.”
Embracing “This AND That”
The concept of “this AND that” in relationships is simple but transformative. It means acknowledging that two people can have different perspectives and experiences without one person being right and the other wrong. It’s about finding common ground and working through disagreements with empathy and understanding.
My Own Journey
Inspired by the wisdom I had gleaned from my therapist and this chance encounter, I decided to apply it to my own relationship. My husband and I had been caught in a particularly thorny disagreement. We struggled to see eye-to-eye, and it felt as though we were at an impasse.
Determined to overcome this obstacle, I approached my husband with a commitment to communicate more openly and empathetically. We sat down and shared our viewpoints, but this time, with a different mindset. Instead of trying to prove who was right or wrong, we sought to understand each other’s perspectives.
The result was eye-opening. As he explained why he felt the way he did, I realized that our differing experiences had led us to our respective viewpoints. He wasn’t wrong, and neither was I. We simply saw the situation through different lenses.
By embracing “this AND that,” we were finally able to bridge the gap that had separated us. Our disagreement no longer felt like a battleground but an opportunity to grow closer by valuing each other’s unique perspectives.
Continual Growth
Communication is a lifelong journey, and none of us are born with all the answers. The key is to remain open to learning and improving our skills. It’s about recognizing that understanding and empathy can go a long way in nurturing healthy relationships.
In conclusion, my chance encounter at work reminded me of the power of effective communication and the importance of embracing “this AND that” in relationships. It’s a reminder that none of us have to be all-knowing or infallible in our relationships. Instead, by communicating openly, empathetically, and with a willingness to understand, we can overcome hurdles, strengthen our bonds, and grow together.
So, the next time you find yourself in a disagreement with your partner, remember that it doesn’t have to be a battle of right or wrong. It can be a journey of understanding, empathy, and growth, where “this AND that” can lead to a stronger and more harmonious relationship.
In Need of Nature 
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